Gleb Arkhangelsk time drive to read. Synopsis of the book: Gleb Arkhangelsky - Time Drive

Most often, the reason is on the surface - the child is simply too lazy to get up early, get ready and generally study. In such a situation, he simply lacks discipline. To help the student cope with his own laziness, you need to come up with daily rituals for him.

“They are important for a child from infancy,” explains the psychologist. Tatyana Yurieva and give the baby a sense of security. As they grow older, rituals turn into habits, on which adult life largely depends.

Tatyana recommends coming up with a sequence of actions that the child will perform every day. This mode will help you get used to the school and reduce resistance. So moms and dads really need to be reminded to fold their briefcase, brush their teeth, and go to bed at a certain time.

As a rule, laziness appears from the fact that the child lack of motivation. "Why should I go to school?" is a question every parent has heard at least once.

The psychologist believes that motivation will not appear if you do not work with children.

“Miracles do not happen. If you do not accustom your child to the regimen, did not take him to classes before school, do not expect that on September 1 he will wake up charged with the motivation to study. Tune in to educate in him the desire to learn. You can also motivate with gifts, drawing an analogy with the work of adults.

Each parent develops over time their own approach to how to convince a son or daughter that he needs to go to school. Ludmila Semyonova mother of 7 year old Vani and 12 year old Egor, believes that the main thing is to explain that the knowledge gained at school will be needed in later life.

“The older one is sometimes too lazy to study, the younger one will only go to first grade, but when asked if he wants to go to school, he answers “not really.” For first-graders, the last year in kindergarten is very important. We had good teachers who prepared him well for school. To overcome the laziness of my sons, I say that school is an important stage in life, which will help you decide on a profession and continue your education,” says Lyudmila.

Photo by Natalia Malykhina

For first-graders who are afraid of an unknown school, the psychologist advises telling fairy tales about the school.

“In them, the main character may not want to go to school at first, and then love studying. Stories that old friends will be there or new ones will also help. It is better to accustom to the school regimen in advance. Take them to school so that the child gets used to the place and activities, ”adds Tatyana Yuryeva.

"They bully me there"

Sometimes the cause can be bad relationships with classmates or teachers. A closed child, most likely, will not even tell his parents that his classmates are offending him.

“Draw a parallel with your life: if you have a difficult relationship with colleagues, do you want to go to work? Communication barriers, inability to find a common language with new people, conflicts, misunderstandings, child cruelty - all this can discourage the desire to go to school for a long time, ”the psychologist notes.

Tatyana Yurieva draws attention to the fact that it is important not to overdo it with the protection of the child. Indeed, there are such difficult situations when you need to change class or even school. But the child must learn to cope with difficulties, so in non-critical situations it is better to help find a common language with teachers and classmates.

“Our whole life is often defined by communication skills. If you teach a child from an early age to find a common language with others, you will give him a very important life skill. If you yourself have difficulties in communication, resort to the help of professionals: involve child and school psychologists, take them to social adaptation groups, ”adds Tatyana.

In addition, it is worth talking with teachers who will tell you what problems the child has in the team. Children can behave very differently at home and in the classroom, so an outside perspective is important. Russian language teacher Irina Golubeva advises parents to be able to look at children's conflicts from a distance:

“Remember the ring of Solomon with the inscription “everything passes” - any conflict will be resolved sooner or later. You can benefit from any trouble if you do not take the position of the victim and do not blame others for what happened. Any crisis is the growth of the individual.

Photo by Natalia Malykhina

Another tip is to enroll the child in a circle or section in which he has long wanted to. So your child will have another circle of friends and a favorite pastime.

“Passion will serve as a source of positive emotions. When a person develops, discovers talent in himself, experiences success, he becomes more self-confident, and self-esteem increases. So a child who is bullied at school develops immunity to the attacks of classmates, ”Irina believes.

"Can't Cope"

Often adults seek to embody their unfulfilled dreams in children. Such parents may not take into account the abilities and desires of their own child. As a result, the student does not cope with the set bar, and this also leads to a reluctance to learn.

“Very often, parents want their child to become a child prodigy. To do this, they send children to prestigious schools with in-depth programs, not paying much attention to their capabilities and desires. As painful as it is, sometimes it should be recognized that the child is not pulling a complex program. Instead of surrounding him with tutors and extra classes, maybe you should consider changing classes or schools? - says Tatyana Yuryeva.

In addition, the child's reluctance to wake up early in the morning and go to class may be due to objective fatigue. In order for it not to accumulate, you need to provide active rest.

“When playing computer games, the child does not rest. The brain is still overloaded with information and its processing. On weekends, arrange unloading days from study. Walk with the child and let him run and jump,” explains the psychologist.

After a long break, such as summer vacation, don't expect kids to quickly get sucked into a school routine. Remember how you yourself get used to the work schedule after the holidays.

Photo from personal archive

Another reason why a son or daughter may fail in school is neurological difficulties.

“Children can be restless and inattentive due to neurological problems that are not corrected in a timely manner. Impaired blood circulation, intracranial pressure, immaturity of the nervous system can physically prevent the child from coping with increased mental stress. Of course, the elimination of neurological problems must be dealt with from birth, but better late than never, ”the psychologist notes.

Kind words and understanding

In any situation, no matter what your child is, support him.

“Support creates a sense of security, which he cannot do without in the modern world. No matter how busy you are, take the time to listen to your child. First of all, be interested not in his grades at school, but in his inner feelings. Do not skimp on warm words and hugs, because with the support of loved ones you can overcome any difficulties, ”advises Irina Golubeva.

Psychologist Tatyana Yuryeva also recommends being attentive: contact must be established with the child from a very young age, so that it is not so difficult in adolescence. It is also important to remember that your child is a person, so you should not prevent him from making independent decisions.

“Allow the child to be a separate person, not a part of you. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from your experience. This, of course, is not easy, but the sooner you recognize a separate personality in your son or daughter, the more likely you are to maintain a really close relationship, ”sums up the psychologist.

Also read the material. Olga Mushtaeva about how to make a student's daily routine.

Natalia Malyihina

The reluctance to learn can have a completely different nature. However, parents and teachers in their actions should start from what exactly the child does not want to go to school, do homework and generally acquire new knowledge. Consider the possible options.

Learning is too hard

Perhaps the child does not understand and assimilates educational material. Often this happens when you transfer to a new school, after a long absence from school due to illness or because the level of the educational institution does not match the level of preparation of your son or daughter.

Learning is too boring

Sometimes the level of preparation of the student is, on the contrary, too high. He may just be bored in class and not interested in completing tasks that do not require any effort from him.

Conflict with teachers

Unfortunately, this is a fairly common reason for a child's aversion to school and to learning in general. If the teacher and the student, as they say, "didn't get along," finding a way out of this situation can be difficult.

Conflict with classmates

Difficult relationships with "colleagues" in the class can discourage a child's desire to learn for a long time. Sometimes such conflicts quickly resolve themselves. But sometimes they need the intervention of specialists - teachers and psychologists.

Lack of need for new knowledge

Kids today are obsessed with gadgets. Experts say: dependence on them often deprives the child of natural curiosity and craving for knowledge.

Excessive parental control

Sometimes well-meaning parents try to make learning easier for their child. Moms and dads take full responsibility for themselves, controlling every step of the student. At the same time, they lose sight of what they thereby deprive him of interest in the process and result of learning.

Health problems

Does the child have poor sleep and appetite, does he wake up with difficulty and quickly lose strength even after simple work? It is worth paying close attention to the state of his health by contacting a pediatrician.

Loss of motivation

Sometimes in the process of learning, the child loses motivation. In adolescence, children begin to rebel against the pressures of the curriculum, and sometimes even the very idea of getting a high school diploma. This period must be experienced by trying to explain to the child the importance of school education. If the problem is acute, consult a child psychologist.

Comment by psychologist Maria Burtman:

One of the most important factors influencing the level of learning motivation is the age of the child. The highest level of motivation is usually found in elementary school, especially among first-graders: here is the long-awaited new status, the novelty of the situation, and the curiosity inherent in age.

If a child refuses to attend elementary school, especially first grade, there are usually two types of reasons. This is either insufficient psychological and physiological readiness for school (early age, characteristics of the child), or the problem of social adaptation in the team.

Usually the level of learning motivation decreases at the stage of secondary school. It is lowest in grades 8-9, but in high school, as a rule, it rises again.

What can you do to help your child stay interested in learning? General recommendations for all ages: review and adjust the load, increase the duration of sleep, be sure to include sports and daily walks in the fresh air in the child's schedule. It is important to talk to your child about relationships with classmates and teachers. Listening and thinking about sometimes confusing and not always interesting stories for us adults - sometimes they help to understand the true causes of the problem.

Participation in events - science festivals, olympiads - helps not to reduce interest in learning. Now there are a huge number of them - both face-to-face and online. There are a lot of channels and resources on the Internet, where the tasks are non-standard, and the training is not boring.

Finally, all children want parental approval. Even teenagers, although they carefully hide it.

For younger students the praise of parents and the relationship with the teacher are important - that is, we are looking for “our” teacher and are interested in the achievements of the child.

In middle school relationships with peers dominate, so the environment plays a huge role. By the end of high school, many children stop studying, give up extra activities - sports, music. In such cases, a radical change in extracurricular activities can help. Often a good choice of a new hobby helps a teenager survive a difficult age with minimal losses.

In high school Having clear goals is important. Career guidance, the choice of a university and a set of exams - all this helps the child to return motivation to study.

We wish your children strong motivation and a keen interest in new knowledge!

School-related problems are inevitable for almost any family. One of the most painful and relevant is the unwillingness of children to gain knowledge. Unlearned lessons, constant strict control, poor grades, dissatisfaction with teachers and, as a result of all this, a nervous breakdown in the student and his parents.

Clutching their heads, the mother and father come to despair, not knowing what to do if the child does not want to study, read, do homework and go to school in general. In fact, the solution to this problem sometimes lies on the surface and requires only an objective assessment by the parents. First, they should find out why he does not want to study.

All children have different intellectual abilities and talents. If a child is a romantic at heart and dreams of becoming an artist or musician, but in reality he has to go to school with a mathematical or natural science bias, there is nothing to expect from him with zeal in his studies. And if a child does not want to go to school for this very reason, it is the fault of the parents who did not reveal the talent in him at the time.

There is only one way out - to identify the child's career guidance, inclinations and talents and direct his development in the right direction: enroll in an art school, select the appropriate circles and studios. Or maybe he simply does not cope with the school curriculum, because he does not have enough mental abilities for this. It is worth thinking about correctional classes and specialized schools that will be on the shoulder of a small student.

Total control

Coming home, any student needs 1–1.5 hours of rest, and such that there is no reminder of their studies. In fact, some of the household (mother, father, grandmother, older brothers and sisters) immediately start putting him down for lessons, demanding a diary, cursing for bad grades. Absent-mindedness and fatigue do not allow him to do his homework efficiently and fully, he begins to get annoyed, often breaks down and is left without rest. After such daily torture, it is clear why the child does not want to study, read, do something for school. There is only one way out: just give him a rest after school, do what he loves.

Lack of control

There is a radically opposite situation: parents work late or in shifts, they do not have the opportunity to control their child's homework. And in a child, self-control and self-organization are not developed from early childhood (they should be instilled in him by school age). Of course, he will not force himself to do his homework, when instead he can sit at the computer or take a walk with friends. The habit of learning and responsibility for the completed lessons should be instilled in the child by the age of 5-6, before he is sent to school. Then it will be much more difficult to do this.

Personal relationships at school

In fact, parents know very little about their child's life at school: only from his words (he can fantasize) and from the words of teachers (who sometimes may not notice the personal problems of their students). In fact, the reluctance to learn escalates closer to the transition period, at 10-12 years old, when children want recognition among their peers, but do not receive it. Unsuccessful relationships with classmates, conflict situations with teachers, hazing, which is not uncommon in many schools - these are 70% of the reasons why children do not want to go to school every morning.

And many other reasons

These are far from all the reasons for the unwillingness of the child to study. Sometimes it is difficult for parents to understand them on their own and even with the participation of the class teacher and teachers. In this case, only the advice of a psychologist specializing in school children's problems can help. There is no need to consider the advice of such a specialist something shameful: the moral and mental health of children is much more important than some kind of social prejudice. After all, there are a huge number of reasons for children's reluctance to learn in practice:

Unfavorable atmosphere within the family: constant conflicts and quarrels between parents contribute to the isolation and nervousness of the student, which reduces motivation in learning and slows down his intellectual processes.
Dysfunctional friends: if the child is in the same company with children who, for some reason, do not want to study, he will support them in this.
Complexes: if a student has defects in appearance or speech, he will have complexes, will not respond in class, will be constantly afraid of ridicule from other children or teachers.
Hyperactivity: the child is distinguished by excess energy that he has nowhere to put. The result is bad behavior, disrupted lessons, a damaged relationship with the teacher, and no point in continuing to study in such cramped and compressed conditions. Sports clubs and sections are the only salvation for him. You can read a few more tips in ours.
Addiction: in primary school - from walking with friends, at 10-12 years old - from a computer, in adolescence - from a street company and bad habits. All this distracts from studying and does not lead to anything good if you do not catch yourself in time.

If parents manage to find out why the child does not want to study, 50% of the problem has already been solved. The further fate of the student will largely depend on the parents, their correct, adequate response to the current situation. Swearing, scandals, tantrums, punishments up to the belt have never been a good solution to the problem. To understand the baby and help him overcome the existing difficulties - this is the main task of the parents of a student who is not going well with his studies.

My child does not want to study!
- How to make a child do homework?
- The child does not want to go to school!
etc.

With the onset of autumn, such questions began to come to our site in large numbers.

What should parents do? How to motivate a child to study?

It should start from the very birth of the child. A baby comes into this world not as a toy in the hands of parents, but as a thinking person. The child learns from the first days of his life:

Responds to temperature, warm and cold fingers, warm and cold water.
Recognizes the mother's face.
He recognizes his mother's voice. Focuses on the sound for 10-15 seconds from 18-20 days and begins to hold an immovable object in the field of view.
The child learns to speak in the environment in which he grows up .

The baby has a huge potential for the emergence of curiosity.

How to develop a child from the first days of life, there is a lot of material on the Internet. And it’s worth doing this not at all in order to raise a child prodigy. Developing classes with an infant give impetus to his cognitive activity, which at the senior preschool age turns into educational motivation, into a desire to become a student and learn new things.

At each stage of development of a preschooler, it is possible to develop all cognitive processes and learning motivation. Child psychologists can help parents with this.

A trusting relationship with parents, exciting educational and home family games, family travels, reading books to a child, answers to his many questions - all this gives impetus to the development of erudition and curiosity of the baby. And then school is a natural process of learning with passion.

If the child does not want to learn, first of all it is necessary to identify the reason for this reluctance. It is individual for every child. You may not like the teacher, the atmosphere at school, you may have problematic relationships with classmates, etc. If a trusting relationship with the child is not established, he will not tell why he does not want to study. Whoever of the parents was not able to successfully implement this most important rule of relationship with the child in his time, in elementary school and in higher grades, they reap the corresponding fruits. What to do? Correct omissions, purposefully, day by day change the established behavioral model of relationships, build a new one. And praise, often praise the child. This is one of the main motivations for studying.

Probably, most children in the fall, when it is still warm outside, do not really want to go to school. And this is quite normal. Gradually, the reluctance goes away and the child gets used to learning. The family influences a child's desire to learn. If the family does not value education and education in general, then the child will not want to study. If adults in the house are constantly drawn to knowledge and new information, then the child will do the same and everything will be fine.

If the child very rarely asks for permission not to go to school today, it is better for him to allow it.

If the child does not want to study, find out the reason from the child himself, he will tell you everything. Only it is necessary to ask not in an irritated and didactic tone, but in a friendly, sympathetic way, to talk on an equal footing. To agree to his answers, saying "yes, maybe you're right ... let's think together what will happen if you stop learning lessons?" And listen silently, carefully. Offer to do something together that the child wants, that is, to relieve tension after his answers about not wanting to learn. Take a break. And present that subject or topic in such a way that he wants to find the answer to your question or request. Turn on your mind and imagination.

If the reluctance to learn depends on the personal rejection of one of the teachers, it would be useful to attend the lessons of this teacher, you as a parent have the right. Relationships with peers in the classroom can also be a reason, so a trusting relationship with you will be an outlet for the child from his problems in the classroom. The best line of conduct for parents is to be a senior friend - a mentor who is understanding, interested, supportive and loving despite his academic performance.

In the child's own development, everything must be consistent. Seven years is a new stage of adulthood, at which the child takes responsibility for a new stage of growing up. And he will take this responsibility properly if the previous stages of his development were painless for him.

An example in the form of a metaphor. For example, a child walking on the street is his desire. But in order for him to have lunch, his mother specifically calls him to the table. Dinner is his duty. According to the benefit with which he walked, he will absorb lunch (fulfill his duty). If his parent on the street controlled, forbade, protected, he limited his joy to be himself. Such a child after a walk will be lethargic and restrained. He will also dine sluggishly and indifferently. If, on a walk, he was left to himself, played and explored the world as he wanted, he will come satisfied, emotional, fighting, and with appetite will do what he must - have lunch.

In our metaphor, the obligation to eat lunch is the obligation to go to school and learn. And for a walk, we took the child-parent period of care and acceptance of a child under the age of seven. So, if the childhood of a child is filled with caress, love, warmth, attention, a sense of security, a trusting expectation of parental closeness and total accessibility of parents, the child's life will be full-fledged. Fully. Starting from parental warmth and care, as a basal, priceless capital, the child, feeling free from excessive prohibitions, will explore the world with constant curiosity, as adults allow his curiosity to be realized. This stimulates curiosity. When it comes time to go to first grade, the child perceives this stage with new curiosity and interest, not noticing especially that this is his duty. It can allow to endure the temporary abandonment of children's games, amusements in the name of the obligation to study. He has received a lot of care before, has a rich history of play and is willing to endure some of the stress of giving up what is childish and desirable. He will be diligent in the workplace, listen well to the material, absorb it qualitatively, quickly and easily understand, since he will not be preoccupied with anything else.

The child who ate borsch without appetite did not receive the desired parental warmth, care and affection. Safety and security in accepting yourself as a well-loved child. Parents often neglected him, resolving their own conflicts, did not notice him due to duty, were glad that he did not get in the way and did not ask for anything. Such a child often interferes with parents in their self-centered attitude towards themselves. He cannot boast in front of his peers on the street - how much he is loved, since love for him is restrained. He is severely limited in the development of his own interests. They put bans and dams in his way. Control behavior. They show violence, rudeness, frequent dislike in various forms. The child is prevented from being himself and developing his own curiosity for the world around him, since he understands well that he will not be allowed to satisfy his curiosity. It is not profitable for him to be curious and interested. He has to think about his safety, survival, independence, in order to withstand a dangerous childhood without parental care missed for him, emotional response, complicity, support, simple approval. And at the age of seven, in childhood, he had to stay much less. He lacked the basic love and unconditional acceptance of his parents. With more modest luggage, he arrives in first class. He didn’t finish playing children’s games, he didn’t get a sense of security, unconditional love, too. And he has a duty to study. In our comparison, he ate borsch without appetite, and now he will study without appetite. When it is necessary to focus on a topic, he will have a desire to run away and play games, the very ability to take responsibility for the learning process is very weak, since the child has received the idea that he is not good enough to be responsible for something. Confident that he is inferior to others, he will lag behind in development, in studies, in relationships, in showing his curiosity about objects and in his desire to dream something and be someone. The school process will be flour and boredom. And criticism and censure by teachers and parents for poor grades will only strengthen the feeling of his inferiority and badness.

A large number of schoolchildren are between these two poles of the psychological resource of schoolchildren. Someone is bad at studying already in the first grade, someone, starting from the fifth, someone from the eighth, and the most successful ones drag out the entire educational process.

The question of failure is a complex one. To give a child something that was not given in childhood is often an impossible task. The work of school committees, meetings, reprimands in the diary, calls to the director, do not bring tangible benefits. Students just have to be pulled. Psychological work at school with such students could have its positive results. To find out which ones, the state needs to make certain efforts in this direction.

Parents often turn to us with such an appeal, which can be called the “cry of the parental soul”. And answer their question "Why?" is not always easy. Often we hear from parents and teachers such a phrase: “He is capable, but lazy!”. Then we ask them the question: “What is the basis of laziness, why is he lazy? After all, he is not too lazy to do what he is interested in: playing a computer game, chasing a ball with the boys in the yard, etc. It's difficult there too. Sometimes children can learn the rules of a new game for several hours, make mistakes, and take it again ... Why doesn’t this happen with studying at school? So, it is not interesting, or difficult, or does not see the goal, why does he need to overcome obstacles?

Man is a rational being, and learning new things for us is natural, otherwise we would not be the same as we are now, we would not communicate via the Internet. That is, each person has a cognitive need. And we've been doing this all our lives. So why do parents state the fact that their child does not want to study? Does this mean that the school does not satisfy this natural human need for new knowledge? Or maybe there are very big obstacles on this path, and it would be more correct to say that the child is not doesn't want , a can't t study?

It is impossible to answer all these questions unequivocally. After all, each person is unique and inimitable, and, despite the fact that the problems are similar, each child has it in his own way. Therefore, the strategy of helping each child is different. I think that within the framework of this round table there is no opportunity and need to dwell in detail on each specific reason, we will list only those with which we had to work:

Insufficient development of basic intellectual functions (thinking, memory, attention, perception, cognitive abilities, etc.)
Low stress resistance, which depends on the individual lateral profile (individual combination of the leading hemisphere of the brain and leading modalities: eye, ear, arm, leg)
Features of temperament
The presence of chronic somatic diseases
Presence of psychiatric or neurological disease
Dyslexia, dysgraphia and dyscalculia
Features of the leading representative system
Conflict relations in the systems "teacher-student", "student-student"
Lack of learning motivation

Of course, this list can go on and on, and every practicing psychologist can easily do this. But that's not the point. I think that parents who have a chance to read the materials of this round table will understand that the reasons for their child's poor school performance or unwillingness to study are not just laziness, that the problem is much deeper, and does not always lie on the surface. And to deal with this, and, most importantly, to help the child, you can in the company of a specialist - a psychologist. But, unfortunately, not many parents understand this, and they miss the time by hiring tutors already in elementary school. Meanwhile, there is such a thing as a “sensitive period of development”, i.e. most susceptible to the development of a particular function. Missing this period, we lose the opportunity to quickly and easily fix the problem.

We often have to deal with the fact that parents of teenagers who have already passed a single tutor are dealing with this problem, but things are still there. Yes, teenagers can also be helped, but you have to work longer and more intensively than with a primary school child. Therefore, I take this opportunity to urge parents: do not waste time if you see that your child is learning with difficulty or does not want to study. Contact a psychologist before hiring a tutor, because first you need to find out all the causes of this phenomenon, and not just deal with the investigation.

Now there is a lot of literature about the motivation to study and the psychology of the student in general. I think, searching parents will always find. Motivation to study should already be formed by grade 1. If she is not at the age of 7, look for the reason in the kindergarten - they did not form it in a preschool. If there was motivation, but it disappeared already in the primary grades, the reason was the parents and teachers who did not support it. If the motivation to study is connected with relationships at school, it is already a matter of unwillingness to go to school, and not to study. Of course, it is important to understand. Each case is unique. But the main thing is that just like that, without a reason, laziness and a decrease in motivation to study do not arise!

With a decrease in motivation, of course, parents can independently increase it, but, as experience shows, they do it in their own way, sometimes in the old fashioned way - through a belt. I am critical of such methods. Power methods in the family always speak of the predominance of the main quality of the rapist - POWERFULNESS. Therefore, it is very important to solve the problem of motivation together with a psychologist.

Regarding educational motivation, there is a wonderful book and a special final chapter in it - "How to communicate with a child?", "Communicate with a child ... So" Yu.B. Gippenreiter. The advantage of this book is that it shows clearly through the example of a teenager and his grandmother that motivation to study can be restored if an adult has LOVE, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE and PURPOSE.

I wish all parents to increase these qualities in themselves and use them not only during school hours.

Not infrequently, parents' concern for the well-being of their own children is rooted not in the real problems of the children, but in the fears of the parents themselves. Sometimes parents are more afraid of the failure of the child than he himself, because they are afraid for their reputation. There is nothing wrong with a child suddenly losing interest in learning, much more important is how parents relate to this. If parents panic, try to force, persuade the child to study, then most likely this will not help much, after such persuasion, the child may take up studies under the influence of the authority of the parents, but will do it without desire, and with a sense of meaninglessness. This, in my opinion, is the main problem - parents can be concerned about whether the child goes to school, what grades he gets, what teachers say about him - but do not pay attention to what feelings he goes to this school. It would be important to understand what school means for a particular child, how it is for him.

In addition, we must not forget that the child does not close at school, everything he learns he learns first of all in the family, and if parents are used to devaluing and demonstrating dislike for their own work, then it will not be surprising if children devalue their studies. In addition, not wanting to learn may be the only way a child can get attention.

The problem of a child's refusal to attend school and receive knowledge within the walls of this institution is as old as the world. In my life, everyone, I am not exaggerating, it was everyone who faced this problem in one status or another, either in the role of a martyr student, or a specialist working with this problem of a client, or a parent tired of looking for new ways to motivate a child to learn, or a teacher who does not know how to involve the child in the learning process. The most interesting thing is that as adults, we in one way or another try to solve the same issue, but in a different context in the context of work. Ideally, we want some kind of work, oh, I even smile when I write these lines, probably you too, everything is right, we want the work to be interesting, well paid, so that we can succeed, everything works out in the best possible way for us, to be appreciated and respected and so on. And reality sometimes, alas and ah, does not keep up with our needs and desires, probably everyone with whom this happened wondered why? As adults, we often solve these problems with the help of a "magic pendel" - "should", which replaces all kinds of motivations. How often do we hear from relatives and acquaintances "laudatory odes" about work and relationships at work, sad stories about the difficulties and difficulties they encountered there and the inability to solve them in the best way for them, here everyone will give their own answer, according to their own personal experience of communication and their surroundings. The fact is that we start learning and gaining knowledge from the moment we are born and do it according to those anatomical and physiological and psychophysiological features that are given to us at birth. If the development goes harmoniously, according to these features, then the experience is positive, and if not, then the experience becomes negative or conditionally positive. Any solution to a problem, as you know, begins with the recognition of the existence of this very problem and the desire to solve it in order to improve the quality of your life, the life of your child, your immediate environment. Moreover, it does not matter at all how old you and your child are, whether it is a first-grader or a student of the eleventh grade. Any negative experience includes protective mechanisms in a person, the purpose of which is to preserve one's Self and reduce the level of anxiety about what is happening, in other words, to avoid additional stress, because the fear of pain, does not matter physical or mental, is worse than the pain itself. Having found the true reason and resolved it, we turn off the defense mechanism and enable the child to receive further experience easily, freely, without compulsion, according to his age-related psychophysiology.

I have been helping children with learning problems for a long time.

And I came to a conviction that only grows stronger with experience. This belief looks like this: "All children want to study well." (Honestly, I have not yet met a single child who would dream of a "deuce" in mathematics, for example ...)

But it is also important to be able to study well. And they can - not all. And learning is bad - who wants to! It is unlikely that an adult would want to go to work, where he does everything worse than others, where he feels incompetent, where he is scolded or ridiculed day by day (even if justly!)

What causes the inability to study well? I'm just doing the identification and correction of such causes. I will name the most common (I want to be brief).

1. Insufficient development of mental functions (memory, attention, logical thinking, control over emotions and behavior). Help special classes on "redevelopment" to an adequate level.

2. Attitude towards the child not as a subject, but as an object of learning. Such a child feels insecure at school, the situation seems unpredictable to him, he does not know that he can control his learning, it seems to him that nothing depends on him. Classes help to form their own learning goals and the ability to achieve them in practice.

3. Protest reactions of the child to something happening in the family. Some children react to a disharmonious family environment with illnesses, some with antisocial behavior, and some with a loss of interest in learning. Changes in family relationships and activities with the child on the formation of his own goals in learning help.

4. Insufficient formation of simple educational skills and abilities. It can be imperceptible, because it seems to everyone (including the child) that "he can do it, it goes without saying." Examples of such "hidden pits": counting through ten, the skill of highlighting the main thing in the text, reading with understanding, organizing homework. Helps - work to identify unformed skills and abilities and their development to an adequate state.

There are other reasons: low self-esteem, conflicting relationships with teachers, conflicting relationships in the classroom, inconsistency of educational requirements with the real abilities of the student (for example, in a situation of illness) ...

Love and patience, reasonable (corresponding to reality) exactingness and faith in the child and in his abilities always help a lot. And, of course, experts.

A very versatile topic. In fact, all preschoolers want to go to school. They strive for this, they are prepared for this, they are motivated to attend school. The first class practically does not reveal unwillingness to study. The school discourages hunting mainly from the second grade onwards. There are many reasons and basically they have all been studied and relatively clear. The main thing is to choose a specialist wisely and slowly, who will individually determine the reason for the unwillingness to attend the school of this particular child and help to cope with the problem. In my opinion, the roots also come from the "framework" in which our freedom-loving children are forced to be. A lesson that lasts a certain amount of time, a teacher who cannot be interrupted and, by and large, cannot be distracted, lessons that need to be done and that are checked, the complexity of the task and the lack of a helping side (sometimes the parents themselves find it difficult to decide, or both parents have different opinions on about the right decision) ...... In such cases, parents just need to remember how they left their children for the first time in kindergarten: calmly, confidently, persistently, without a shadow of doubt and regret. And, if you are already helping, then do not give up, no matter how hard it is for you yourself.

I think that the problem of this issue begins already with the very concept of "school" distorted in our time. From the Greek language, the word schole (schola) means - "leisure, leisure activities, reading, conversation" *, but in our time this concept absolutely does not correspond to its name. And all the ensuing consequences for both children and parents begin with this very word. In ancient Greece, "schola" was called rest, the meeting place of the teacher with the students in the shade of the trees of the Athenian temples, where the teacher had a leisurely conversation sharing his skills. There is no such child who would not want to learn, he wants to learn and he wants to learn not what is taught in today's school and not in the way teachers and parents teach. He dutifully must swallow what his parents and teachers pour into him at school, without being able to object. Nobody cares about the needs of the child, neither the parents themselves, nor the teachers, nor the education system itself. Therefore, the child does not want to learn in a way that is beneficial for adults and thus protests against violence against himself. If school and parenting were similar to studying in a Greek school, then children would probably have an interest in learning, and if there was an opportunity to study what is interesting and have the right to choose subjects, then most likely such a problem would not exist or perhaps she wouldn't be so sharp.
*Yandex. Dictionaries

Voyagerix / Depositphotos

Many modern moms and dads hold two opposing positions. Some load the child with developmental activities in order to quickly find and reveal his talents. Others decide not to "deprive the baby of childhood", allowing him to play enough and develop at his own pace.

The author of the Children of Mail.Ru project spoke with Marina Chervyakova, a teacher and international tennis coach with 29 years of experience working with children and adults. The specialist gives recommendations that will help parents not to go to extremes and keep the child healthy motivation for life.

“Many parents themselves do not know what they want, and, as a rule, this is very harmful to the child,” says Marina Chervyakova. - Let's say a boy plays tennis, goes to English courses at the same time, and then he is sent to a cool school and everywhere they demand high results. Parents can be understood - they make large financial investments, they want the best for the child, but the result is usually the opposite. The child does not have time to do everything at once, he lacks neither moral nor physical strength. Gradually, from fatigue and constant racing, he ceases to want anything. This process is long and inconspicuous, it is very easy to miss it.

What to do? By the age of 11-12, you should at least roughly decide which path the child will take. It can be study and in the future - a university (then we do not click on sports). It can be professional sports (then we transfer the child to a simpler school) or the middle option is a sports scholarship at a foreign university. For example, American universities willingly invite young athletes to their place, offering full support if the child plays for the university. You can even get to study at Harvard, just learn English.

Often, motivation is killed by an occupation to which the child is clearly not inclined. It happens that parents see their daughter as a ballerina, and she is tall, with broad shoulders - God himself ordered her to swim. There she would be number one, but in ballet she looks awkward against the background of miniature "inch". As a result, the child begins to be ashamed of his body, to think that he is worse than others.

What to do? At an early age, I advise you to give your child to gymnastics or dancing. This is the basis for any other sport, posture, stretching, balance. And then watch: how does the child play in the yard, what does he do - run or like quiet games? What are his physical and genetic data? If you cannot determine this on your own, contact a sports orientation coach. This is a specialist who can determine what kind of sport the child has the ability to. With music, drawing and other activities - the same story.

There is no need to explain here - with an inappropriate teacher or coach, the child will quickly lose all desire to study. The catch lies in the fact that the concept of "suitable" is very vague and different for each child. Shy introvert children are more likely to like a coach-friend - understanding, kind, patient, who will once again show and explain. An active and restless child may be approached by a coach-dictator - strict, disciplining.

What to do? Attend workouts or classes. There is nothing shameful in this. See how the coach behaves and how the child reacts to it. Do they have contact? But at the same time, try not to interfere in the learning process. Your task is not to tell the coach how to train, but to understand whether the child perceives learning.

Is it necessary to say that the teacher must be a professional? Sometimes it is difficult to determine this, because no one will tell you bad about yourself. Therefore, look at the results - who this coach brought up, in what competitions and with what results his students participate.

Very often one has to observe that parents praise other people's children, and constantly criticize their own. “I didn’t score, I didn’t run, I didn’t hit the note.” And the fact that the previous half hour the child performed the task perfectly or at least tried, the mother does not notice. Once I happened to hear the dissatisfaction of parents who scolded the child for being afraid to swim in the sea: “It turns out that we took you to the pool in vain for six months?” Alas, these parents do not take into account that the pool has a bottom, walls and a coach nearby. And on the sea - open space and a new environment. The child is confused, and he is also scolded. Do you think he will be happy to go to the pool now? Same story with other activities. From experiences and from the thought that "mom is watching", the child feels stiffness, and this is normal.

What to do? Don't just reduce the number of criticisms, but avoid them altogether. Focus on the positives. Let the child strengthen the confidence that he can do everything and knows everything.

Let's imagine that the boy scored the ball above the gate. A bad coach will criticize: “This is no good!” A good one will react differently: “This time it didn’t work out, but next time you will definitely hit it.” And the best coach will say: “Wow! Here is a powerful blow. Next time, hit the ball this way and that, and you're sure to hit." Do you catch the difference? Don't be bad coaches for your child.
Marina Chervyakova
teacher, trainer

Our education system is based on the belief that mistakes are bad. They are shamed for them, put deuces, scolded. Nothing more destructive can be imagined. Recently a new student came to me. At first, he was afraid of every exercise, looked at me with apprehension, and when it didn’t work out, he was very upset. It is immediately evident that at school they have already managed to instill in him a fear of mistakes. Then I asked him: “Listen, have you ever done such a task before? - Not. “Then why should you succeed?” Gradually, the child calmed down and fell in love with training.

What to do? First of all, understand that in the learning process, the child is simply obliged to make mistakes in 80% of cases. If he does everything right the first time, then the program is too easy for him, and he does not develop in any way. Find an educator who shares the same opinion, and keep that in mind yourself.

If a child gets used to a certain rhythm of life from childhood, he will not need any additional motivation to engage in hobbies or sports. He simply will not imagine that it could be somehow different. “On weekdays we go to school, on Tuesdays and Thursdays we go to training, on Saturday we visit grandma, and on Sunday we draw or read books.” When there is no regime, and the child understands that “today I want to go, and tomorrow I don’t want to, I don’t go,” he is naturally overcome by laziness.

What to do: Create a routine for the child that matches his abilities. In the schedule, be sure to leave time for rest and “doing nothing”, but try not to miss the scheduled classes.

I’ll explain right away what “comfortable conditions” mean. First of all, it is close to home. When a child says: “I don’t want to go to the gym,” then often he doesn’t want to go, that is, get dressed, shake in public transport. He is reluctant to break away from his studies, watching cartoons, playing on the computer, some household chores, but when he is in the hall, he does it with pleasure.

I also attribute high-quality beautiful shape and equipment to comfort. If a child plays tennis, buy a racket like his idol, bright clothes, special sneakers. If he draws - good paints, an easel, a brush case. Children love to “show off” very much and there is nothing wrong with that.

It is better if the child goes to the section with friends or finds new ones there. Encourage communication, friendship, participate in congratulations and birthday tea parties. For the holiday, let the student make a gift to the coach. Quite inexpensive or handmade. All this forms not only a good relationship of the child with others, but also gives him additional motivation, involvement in what he is doing.

What to do? To this advice, we can add that parents should keep the sports uniform clean, help the child collect the bag before class. Of course, everyone wants the child to do everything himself, but believe me, even a seven-year-old is very difficult to remember that you need to take a towel, and water, and a uniform, and sneakers, and much more. If a child forgets something, comes in unwashed clothes from the last time, he is unlikely to be comfortable in class. And most importantly, don't be late! Come 10-15 minutes before the start of the workout, let the child tune in, feel the atmosphere and get distracted from what he was busy with all day.

In conclusion, I want to recall one obvious but important thought. Sports and any other activities are initially chosen for the child by parents, and they must be responsible for their choice. Mom and dad are not just "brought and taken away", they are active participants in the educational process. When a child comes home from school, you look at his diary, ask what happened in the lessons. The same should be after a lesson at a music school or sports training. Ask what you liked, what happened today? The child must see what you are interested in, feel the contact. And, of course, always keep in mind the original goal: “What are you doing all this for? What do you want to get in the end?

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