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Problems with teenage children were, are and will be. Rapid physical growth and puberty cause a crisis that creates difficulties in teaching and educating a teenager. How to be parents if the child flatly refuses to study? After all, this period falls on an important stage of learning. Adolescents should decide on their future profession, take the first important steps of their future adult life.

Why teenage children do not want to study: we understand the reasons

“Until the 6th or 7th grade, my son was an excellent student. In the diary - only five, from the teachers - solid praise. And suddenly, for no apparent reason, the desire to study disappeared, the computer and the street were on my mind. I do not know what to do?"- approximately such problems are concerned about many parents at some point in their lives.

Before you panic or blame someone in this situation, you need to understand what causes such a persistent unwillingness to learn.

Psychologists identify several main reasons why teenagers refuse to study:

Puberty.
Rapid physical growth.
Heart problems as a consequence of physical growth.
Change of emotional background.

How does puberty affect children's learning?

During puberty, the process of excitation is quite fast, but inhibition, on the contrary, is slow. In this regard, any little thing can turn a young man on, annoy, make him nervous. It's not easy to calm down. Naturally, in such a state it is very difficult to master the educational material.

The rapid physical growth of a teenager

Rapid physical development causes a child's bones to grow disproportionately. Result: constant fatigue, rapid fatigue.

The cause of fatigue sometimes lies in the heart

Many begin to complain of heart pain, as the heart does not have time to grow. Heart spasms cause problems with oxygen supply to the brain. Therefore, children begin to think poorly, their attention is scattered, their memory is weak.

Emotional instability of adolescents

Against the background of hormonal surges, adolescents are often emotionally unstable, that is, they are prone to psychosis, mood swings. These signs are especially pronounced in girls in connection with.

Ideally, you need to visit a psychologist together with your son (daughter) . However, we understand that due to various circumstances, not everyone has such an opportunity.

How to explain why you need to study? Or, perhaps, it’s right: “if you don’t want to, don’t study” - what position should parents take?

Here is how a psychologist from St. Petersburg Grankina Daria comments on the situation:

Learning can be taught to anyone, at any age. A teenager needs to be given a range of knowledge about the future life. Explain cause and effect relationships. But it's not worth saying that if he doesn't learn algebra, he'll wash the toilet bowls in the reserved seat, although someone should do this too. We must give the child knowledge, resources and alternatives. Knowledge is not dry facts, but as a process of knowing this world. The alternative is that the child can and should try his hand at everything, explore. With resources, it is clear what we are talking about. Of course, this is not complete freedom, but accurate accompaniment.

Can we motivate to study? Motivate = manipulate, but we don't want that. Therefore, money, persuasion and threats are not an effective method.

A teenager at this age has a lot of questions for society and the world. Who am I, why am I, what awaits me, what awaits the country, how to live correctly ...? And of course they are not so strange as not to understand that they still need to study. But school is a routine job, and other problems are torn apart inside.

There is another important aspect, the child does not want to learn or CAN'T do it? Perhaps you need to lower your expectations and understand that good is not always 5, a score of 3 is also good. You need to understand that you need to study, you need to study. It is both a regime and a system. If this has not happened since primary school, then perhaps right now it is necessary to streamline the schedule of both your own and your child.

In general, in everything that concerns children, therapy should begin with oneself. For example, you can go to any courses yourself, even computer, knitting or latin. By this you will show your ability to adapt to new trends and desire to learn new things, your openness to the world. Remembering yourself at this age is very useful. Start walking with your child to a museum, planetarium, zoo, and, finally, read a book in the evening. You can start softly and from afar, go with your child to a concert, to the cinema for a new film, ask him to explain what the essence of his computer game is. This is already communication, this is already an exchange of information, which implies feedback from you and interesting dialogues that stimulate the child for cognitive activity. In no case do not give up and do not hide your head in the sand. This is your child and you can help him. You can work with this.

How can parents determine why a teenager does not want to study?

So, the parents faced the problem: “I don’t want to study”. How to act?

First you need to find out what is the main reason:

Why do you need to study?

Very often the reason lies on the surface, and sometimes we do not see it or do not want to see it. The teenager does not understand why he needs to study. In fact, my mother is so smart, she has two higher educations, but she works for a beggarly salary at school. But Aunt Masha, an acquaintance from a neighboring cottage, drives a foreign car, flies to Paris every year, she was a loser at school. A slightly exaggerated picture, but still.

Parents should systematically, using living examples, explain to the child the benefits of education, draw him future prospects: the opportunity to look at the world, study culture, languages, make great discoveries, have an interesting profession.

Relationships with teachers and peers

Reluctance to learn may be related to relationships with peers or teachers. All children are different in character, temperament, level of education. At school, they will not only learn subjects, but also the norms of behavior, learn to live in a team, establish contact with the outside world. Unfortunately, not everyone gets it right. Naturally, if a student feels uncomfortable at school, is offended, laughed at or not noticed, he will not have a desire to learn .

family well-being

Inevitably, a child's school performance is affected by family well-being, or lack of it.

Quarrels between parents, immoral behavior of adult family members negatively affect the behavior of the student, his perception of the surrounding reality.

"Bad company" can cause a teenager's performance to drop and. This happens because you can become your own in a street company only if you “slaughter your studies” (sorry for the slang).

Hyperactivity in a teenager

The child shows extreme intolerance to study, cannot concentrate on lessons with hyperactivity.

Gadget addiction

One of the reasons for the fading of interest in the school is the excessive enthusiasm for the means of modern technology.

Dependence of teenagers (and not only) on all kinds of gadgets, immersion in the virtual world, satiety with unnecessary information from the outside fences him off from the uninteresting learning process at school.

What to do if a teenager of 13-15 years old does not want to study: advice from a psychologist

Sometimes we, relatives and friends, out of good intentions, make such serious mistakes in relation to our children that we only aggravate the situation. Experienced psychologists, based on a systematic study of adolescent behavior, have come up with some good tips and rules to follow when establishing contact with a child of 13-15 years old.

Everything is very clear and simple, the main thing is to follow the rules regularly:

Provide your child with such a regime of work and rest so that he can spend time outdoors every day. It could be walking, jogging or cycling. At this time, the brain receives oxygen, the child is charged with positive energy, and the body receives the amount of physical activity it needs.
Sleep is the main assistant . Make it a rule to sleep at least 8-9 hours a day. Nothing restores memory and attention like a full sleep.
Distribute the school load . The child should not be overtired. If the child has just come from school, do not load him with lessons, let 1-1.5 rest.
Your child has grown up, he wants to seem like an adult , often cheeky, shows his cool temper. But he still remains your child and needs simple friendly communication. Contact should not be reduced to routine questions: “How are you?”, “Do you want to eat?” etc. Put things aside and talk. Show that you are interested in the life of your son (daughter) as a full member of the family and do not consider him an unreasonable baby. Even in response to his insolence, show tact and restraint. This is what distinguishes us, adults, formed individuals.
Children at this age remember interesting material well. . Therefore, the advice of psychologists to both parents and teachers: get the child interested in the subject. And then he will be happy to go to classes, and study will turn for him into an exciting journey into the world of science.
If the reason is in a conflict with classmates, the teacher , and the conflict is not resolved positively, it is better to change the teacher or school, if possible, so as not to aggravate the situation.
In case of problems with the assimilation of a particular subject you can hire a tutor or help your child fill in the gaps on your own.

Don't dismiss problems by pretending you don't notice them. In fact, today's unwillingness to learn can turn into much more serious problems if it is not controlled.

Children are very sensitive to the attitude of adults. . All you have to do is relax your attention for a little while, and you will miss the teenager. Every parent knows and feels their child like no one else. It is impossible to fit the behavior of any teenager to general patterns.

Each person, depending on temperament, social structure, specific situation, requires an individual approach.

Sending their inquisitive kids to school, many parents do not even suspect what difficulties they will face in the near future. The pedagogical practice of recent years shows that the number of children who do not gravitate towards learning is growing rapidly from year to year.

What if still in elementary school? Even experts are not always able to help in solving this problem, but we will still try to figure out the reasons for this situation.

Is there a problem?

It should be noted that in every child nature initially laid down such qualities as curiosity and the desire for knowledge. However, the modern education system is far from perfect. Teachers and parents are interested in obedient children who do not express their own opinions and absorb new material in unimaginable quantities. And the students, in turn, protest against such a system. It is natural that a child does not want to learn. The advice of a psychologist will help relieve unnecessary stress and nervousness.

Think back to your childhood. Did you really like all the subjects studied and the peculiarities of teaching individual academic disciplines? But during this time the school curriculum has changed not for the better. Think carefully: perhaps the problem is not so serious, and over time it will resolve itself.

Point-blank question: why do children not want to learn?

The advice of a psychologist will give a positive result only if the reason for the child's dislike for the learning process is identified in a timely and correct manner. There are several main factors that have a direct impact on the child's attitude to school. These include:

lack of any interest in a significant part of school subjects;
difficulties that arise when the baby communicates with peers (classmates);
negative emotions associated with the need to comply with a strict regimen - getting up early in the morning, enduring many hours of sitting at a desk, doing homework every day;
problems with the development of a particular school subject;
with one of the teachers;
loss of motivation.

Lack of incentives

A child who refuses to learn is easy to understand. Classes at school are not as interesting and enjoyable as they were described by parents. The first enthusiastic impressions pass quickly. There are routine classes, a fairly tough regimen and fear of getting bad grades. Parents are at a loss: their child does not want to study.

The advice of a psychologist is primarily related to increasing motivation. This term is well known to adults, for whom the workplace is not only a source of income, but also an opportunity to achieve certain goals. At school, incentives work rather poorly. Good grades in themselves, of course, can bring positive emotions. However, not all children are focused on a long-term result, for example, graduating from school with honors or at least without triples. Thus, a significant part of the students simply do not understand what daily classes are for.

At this stage, the influence of parents is of great importance, who must verbally and by personal example show their children how important school lessons are for their further development. Adults should try to convince the little "rebels" of the need for success in school. As a comparison, we can cite any computer game in which the passage of the second, as well as all subsequent levels, depends on the results of mastering the first stage.

So, parents are faced with an unpleasant fact: their child does not want to study. The advice of a psychologist in such a situation will be very helpful.

Negative attitudes towards learning: a few secondary reasons

In some cases, it is impossible to immediately determine what the child's dislike for schooling is connected with. There may even be several reasons. To find out the whole truth, you should carefully look at your schoolboy. Sometimes dislike for classes can be caused by factors such as:

excessive stress of an emotional and physical nature (numerous extracurricular activities, tensions in the family);
hyperresponsibility of the baby, which does not allow him to relax, which as a result leads to a decrease in interest;
changing learning conditions (transition to another class, changing the mode of study);
systematic replacement of lessons by “foreign” teachers.

Building relationships with a child: expert opinion

First of all, try to determine for yourself why your child does not want to learn. The advice of an experienced psychologist in this case boils down to the following:

Never put pressure on your baby. In families where children and parents have such situations, they are resolved much faster and easier.
Try to build your relationship with the baby on a different principle - to become his friend first of all. And only then to play the role of a caring parent. For many of the older generation, this seems out of reach. Some parents believe that children should never be spoken to as equals, since children should always remain children. If you are not embarrassed by such results will be noticeable almost immediately. After all, the child will not hide anything from his best friend, and at any moment you will be aware of everything that worries him.
Be sure to show your child that you love him in any way, even if he is not very successful. He should not feel that your attitude towards him can change due to such a fact as a dislike for learning.

Many students who show interest in learning at the right time become completely uncontrollable. Parents in such situations are powerless, because it is difficult for them to establish contact with noticeably grown children. However, the problem is obvious: the child does not want to learn. What to do? The advice of a psychologist will help to cope with this situation.

Candidate of Medical Sciences Lyubov Samsonova, who deals with the problems of endocrinology that arise in childhood and adolescence, believes that one of the reasons leading to the unwillingness of schoolchildren to study is the lack of iodine. Deficiency of this substance affects the synthesis of thyroid hormones. This leads to memory impairment, absent-mindedness. Visual-figurative thinking suffers. It is especially difficult for those children who live far from the sea and consume the minimum amount of iodine-containing foods.

Note to parents: It should be borne in mind that the daily iodine intake for adolescent students is 200 micrograms. It is recommended to give the child potassium iodide, as well as include iodized salt in his diet.

Stick to the rule of confidential communication with a teenager and follow some of the general recommendations listed below.

Even if the child does not want to study, the advice of a psychologist will make life easier for all family members: they will relieve tension, stop arguing about the advisability of studying at school. Below are some important points:

Try to avoid painful comparisons for the child, do not cite as an example the success of his classmates or neighbor's children.
Let your son or daughter decide in what order to do the homework lessons. At the same time, you should definitely unobtrusively tell the baby that, first of all, you should start mastering the most difficult material.
Try to find compromises with your child: you can discuss in advance the optimal time for completing an extracurricular task and set aside a certain period for rest and all kinds of pleasant activities. Psychologists recommend refraining from setting strict time limits.

Best Award - Parental Approval

You should not give up if the child does not want to learn. Psychologist's advice to parents, first of all, is aimed at changing the reaction of adults to everything that happens to their children.

From the point of view of Anatoly Severny, Candidate of Medical Sciences, who is the president of the Association of Child Psychiatrists and Psychologists, it is very important for children at an early school age to feel the support of their parents, to know that the closest people are always on their side. Parental approval fades into the background, because at this stage there is a change in motivation (children strive to realize their own goals).

However, do not think that parental support for a growing child is an empty phrase. Rather, on the contrary, parental understanding and approval can become decisive not only in solving school problems, but also in more difficult life situations.

Summing up

Be sure to take an interest in the life of your children, discuss with them the events of the past day with them daily, do not hesitate to admit to them your mistakes and delusions. Education in a modern school is a rather complicated, but feasible process. Of course, parents should not do their homework for their child. But it is really necessary to understand the causes of temporary difficulties and help solve the problems that have arisen.

If, as a result of reflection, you still do not understand why the child does not want to study, the advice of a psychologist will help in clarifying the situation. And then your efforts will lead to the expected result. Love your children no matter what and trust them!

In Russia, and throughout the world, parents often complain that the child does not want to study. Psychologist's advice on resolving this situation can help correct the situation. But only not every parent is ready to follow certain instructions. Most often, in practice, children are simply forced to learn in all ways, sometimes not entirely humane. It's clearly not worth it to do so. After all, each child needs to find an individual approach. And then it will be possible to achieve success in any endeavors. Teaching is no exception. So what if the children refuse and do not want to learn?

Emotionless

In fact, there is no clear answer. And you can't give it. Each child is an individual. Accordingly, in one case or another, the phenomenon under study will have its own motives. Hidden or obvious - it is not so important. The main thing is their presence.

What if the child does not want to study? The first piece of advice any psychologist will give is to stay calm. And assess the situation, analyze what is happening and the behavior of children without unnecessary emotions.

Often, the topic of study is perceived painfully by parents. You can hear exclamations: "How so, does not want to study? Yes, I told him ...". Further, as a rule, punishment or any other method of forcing the child to sit down for textbooks follows. It is noted that such behavior will not benefit. On the contrary, it will only hurt. For both parent and student.

Collection of information

Does your child not want to study? Psychologist's advice regarding this situation is often directed specifically to parents. Their behavior often determines how much children strive to acquire new knowledge.

Before sounding the alarm, as well as coming up with ways that could interest or force a minor to a more attentive and responsible attitude to learning, it is recommended to collect as much information as possible about the life of a student. Even if parents think they already know everything. In practice, it usually turns out that this is not the case.

Why don't kids want to learn? The reasons may be different. And the more the parent learns about the child's life at school, about his feelings and experiences, the faster it will be possible to resolve the situation.

Difficulties

Now a little about the most common scenarios. Every action, as already mentioned, has its own motive or reason. That's what psychology says. Does your child not want to study?

The first reason why this happens is because of difficulties. Studying is a children's analogue of work. And the student often has a hard time. Sometimes the learning difficulties faced by a child exceed the workdays of adults. And taking into account the fact that children still do not know how to fight and do not have a special resistance to stress, the scale of the problem becomes enormous.

Maybe the child just does not learn the material well, does not cope with the tasks. Hence the reluctance to learn. This does not mean that the child is bad. And every parent should remember this truth.

Often a similar problem arises when transferring from one school to another. This is due to the difference in school programs, as well as in teachers. Does your child not want to study? Psychologist advice often emphasizes the need for children to be helped to cope with learning difficulties.

How exactly? Can:

change school;
change teachers;
hire a tutor;
independently deal with the child (but without unnecessary emotions, this is important).

Sometimes the best solution is to wait. As soon as the child gets used to school, can cope with tasks and difficulties, he will have a desire to acquire new knowledge.

Boredom

What if the child does not want to study? Do not panic and do not get emotional - this is the main thing. The rest of the situation is quite resolvable. Especially when it comes to younger students.

In general, studying is a very boring process. Parents who are faced with the unwillingness of children to learn often complain: "It's so interesting!". As a rule, such people simply forget themselves at school age.

As already mentioned, study is an analogue of work. Maybe the child is just bored in the classroom? For example, due to more knowledge. Or, on the contrary, children are lagging behind in the program, which is why they cannot understand anything in the classroom. This is where boredom comes in. This is normal.

There are several ways to deal with the situation:

school change;
transfer of the child to a "stronger" class;
tutoring and private lessons.

As soon as the child becomes interested in learning, he will do it with pleasure. This is how the human body works. Always remember that children are not adults. Their concept of "should" is not yet fully formed. Therefore, the school should be interesting.

Conflicts

Does your child not want to study? How to help him? Everything depends on the situation. As already mentioned, it is important to identify the cause of the problem under study. And there are a lot of them.

Often the desire to learn and go to school is beaten off by conflicts. For example, with classmates or teachers. In the first case, everything is more difficult than it seems. Conflicts with classmates are sometimes resolved quickly and independently. And in some cases, they confuse even psychologists. Therefore, often, if a child has protracted problems with "colleagues" in the class, one has to either transfer the baby to another class, or even change the school.

But in conflicts with teachers, you can correct the situation. And parents should do it. It is important to find out the cause of the "quarrel", and then take any action. Usually people just change teachers. But sometimes you can just talk to the teacher and influence him. It also happens that the students and the teacher "did not agree on the characters." This option confuses psychologists, parents, and school management. As already mentioned, usually a decision is simply made to change the teacher.

Needs

Modern children do not want to learn - this fact is cited by many experts. Moreover, the problem extends to children of different ages. Increasingly, there is a lack of interest in new knowledge among preschoolers.

Everything has its own explanation. Why does the child not want to study? The reasons, as you can see, are varied. If we talk specifically about the modern generation, then, most likely, they simply do not have the need for new knowledge.

But the origins of this phenomenon - progress in the field of modern technology. Children of all ages are getting addicted to gadgets. Technique and games - that's what even preschoolers want. They simply have no desire to study, only to create.

In general, dependence on gadgets deprives children of curiosity. If a child does not want to learn to write, as well as just go to school, get new knowledge - this is the fault of modern parents. The only advice that psychologists give is to avoid addiction to gadgets and modern technology, not to accustom children to smartphones and tablets from the cradle. And if the addiction is already there, you have to fight it. But it is impossible to immediately deprive a child of a computer, TV, tablet, phone and other "charms" of modern technologies. This will only make the situation worse. It is important to carefully limit the time children spend with gadgets.

Health

In fact, if a child does not want to study (first grade or any other - this is not so important), problems can hide in less obvious nuances of a person's life.

Does a kid or teenager get tired quickly even from simple tasks? Does he get very tired without putting much effort into one thing or another? It is possible that parents will have to sound the alarm. After all, this behavior is a consequence of health problems. This is the reason why parents tend to forget.

Accordingly, as soon as the child is 100% healthy, the desire and need for new knowledge will appear. But this is only in the case when there are no other causes of the problem under study.

Load

The school curriculum is a variable "value". She changes all the time. Just like the pressure at school. This fact should be taken into account by every parent. The school curriculum in modern schools is significantly different from what it was in Soviet times.

Does your child not want to study at all? This behavior is often a clear sign of fatigue. Sooner or later every tired person "burns out". He needs rest. Only in this case will it be possible to return the desire for learning and new knowledge.

Parents should do everything to reduce the burden on the child. This does not mean that you have to do all the homework for the student. But helping and supporting your child, allowing him to relax and unwind after school is a must.

An interesting fact: sometimes the desire to learn "beats off" the burden that falls on the child after school. For example, various sections and circles, as well as housework, helping parents (say, looking after younger brothers and sisters). It is necessary to unload the child in every sense. While the student is tired, he will not have a desire to learn.

Inability to concentrate

Of course, the age of the baby is considered an important factor influencing the behavior of the child. It will have to be taken into account. And reconcile. After all, growing up is a gradual and long process. Each age has its own characteristics. They are often accompanied by problems and failures. Including at school.

Is the child 6 years old? Doesn't want to study? You should not scold a newly-made schoolboy, but you also do not need to leave the situation unattended. It is important to understand that at 6-7 years old, children simply do not know how to concentrate on anything for a long time. Except in the game. But sitting for several hours and listening to a teacher is not an easy task for a baby.

Psychologists and scientists assure that children can normally perceive information in the classroom, as well as fully learn only by the age of 12. At about this age, the child develops "restraint", he learns to sit still for a long time and listen, to delve into the essence of the story. You can't ask something like this from a junior high school student.

Transitional age

Child (13 years old) does not want to study? This problem is widespread all over the world. Parents of teenagers often note that their children simply stop striving for learning and knowledge. They "move out" according to their grades, do not do their homework and even skip classes!

Unfortunately, most mothers and fathers choose not the most correct tactics of behavior, which causes even more harm. Indeed, at the age of 12-13, puberty begins, a new stage in the formation of personality. A period of rebellion and disagreement. In adolescence, learning problems are normal.

It is important for parents at this moment not to “press” on the child, but to help the student cope with the difficulties of adolescence. This technique helps to maintain relationships with children, and also improves academic performance. You can hire a tutor, but without fanaticism. Children of all ages should have time to rest.

Motivation

Any process, as already mentioned, has its reasons. For children, as for adults, motivation is important. A living organism will not do anything if it does not have a need and motives for it.

Accordingly, it is important for parents to "warm up" the child's interest in learning. Very often in practice there are situations when failures are punished, and successes are taken for granted. Over time, such behavior will lead to the fact that the child does not want to study further. Psychologists also note that some mothers and fathers do not consider good grades to be an achievement or even a due phenomenon, but poor grades promise serious consequences for a student.

Yes, in any action of parents there should be strictness and seriousness, but in moderation. Psychologists advise putting yourself in the place of a child: if there is no motivation to perform certain tasks, will an adult perform them? No. And the kids are doing the same thing.

Fortunately, it is possible to motivate a child to learn. But each student needs an individual approach. For some, extra pocket money can be a good motivation, for some, just praise or a family dinner, sweets as a reward for success, and some are motivated by purchases. Particularly the big ones. But this option is good for great success. For example - if you finish a term with honors, you will receive a gaming computer of the latest model. The main thing is to always keep your word and not deceive the child.

Often, parents believe that punishment and the "belt" are the main motivation for learning. If a child is kept in fear, then he will learn even through force, succeed and make progress. In fact, such behavior will lead to the destruction of contact with the student, sometimes even for life. Therefore, you should not choose such tactics of behavior.

Control

The latter scenario is also very common. Does your child not want to study? The psychologist's advice indicates that it is important for children to rest, to motivate them to study without intimidation and intimidation, without neglect. But along with this, it is important to remember one truth - less control.

The thing is that excessive control over the progress of the child leads to the fact that children do not want to learn. Especially if everything "revolves" around study and the educational process. The child begins to think that only education is important for parents. And all other spheres of life, feelings and experiences of children are a trifle. Therefore, the desire to learn disappears altogether. Sometimes it takes decades to restore it.

Sometimes parents completely control every step of the student, thereby assuming responsibility for all the actions of the child. It is not right. Such behavior only discourages the desire to study and acquire new knowledge. From now on, it is clear what to do if the child does not want to study. The main thing to remember is that punishment and abuse are not at all what will help correct the situation in most cases.

Now you understand why children do not want to learn? The reasons are so diverse and depend on such a huge number of factors that you can never say for sure that you have a "boldhead" growing.

Cases when a child does not want to study are not rare in modern families. The reasons for this phenomenon can be completely different, but the reaction of parents and all close relatives to the poor performance of their offspring usually follows the same. The child is accused of all mortal sins, explaining his poor progress by laziness, selfishness, terrible upbringing (by the way, who raised him?), ties with a bad company and other reasons, up to dementia!

In fact, the situation when a child does not want to study is the least likely to be associated with all of the above problems. As a rule, the reason that the child does not want to study is ... his parents!

Why does the child not want to study, and what should parents do?

Let's analyze such a common situation: there is a girl who learned to read from the age of 3, and from kindergarten age was fond of books with fairy tales, and sometimes even invented some stories herself. And there are parents who, from the same kindergarten age, the girls pictured for themselves the future of their daughter, where they saw her as a professional financier. The girl reaches 7 years old - and she is sent to a gymnasium with a mathematical bias. And after a couple of months, the parents notice with horror that their always calm, accommodating and cheerful girl suddenly becomes whiny, aggressive, and every morning is accompanied by sobs and cries: “I don’t want to go to school!”. And it would be okay if only this - so she also brings not the best grades, interrupting from the "deuce" to the "troika"!

Parents, of course, blame their daughter for everything, believing that she is “lazy and spoiled”, she decided to “disgrace” their family (the situation is aggravated if the parents are also financiers and consider this profession “dynastic”).

The real reason is that the daughter is simply not able to “pull” a math program at a strong school, because she is a 100% humanities student and, perhaps, a future great writer. And since all young children are ambitious perfectionists, failure at school hits the girl’s pride very hard, which results in aggression, tantrums and unwillingness to learn. And the constant dissatisfaction of parents, whose opinion is also of great importance for children, provokes a state of chronic stress in the child.

What should parents have done if the child does not want to study for this reason? First, stop blaming your daughter for everything. No matter how sad it may be, but only parents are to blame for this situation. Secondly, to recognize the right of a child to be different from his relatives - at least in terms of abilities and skills - without "disgrace" to his family. And, thirdly, to pick up a child, if not a gymnasium with a literary bias, then at least an ordinary average school, where they will ask him a little in all subjects. In this case, the question why the child does not want to study will be solved with the least loss.

The same recipe applies to those situations where parents simply demand from the child the impossible for him: for example, excellent knowledge in all subjects, the highest score on the Unified State Examination, etc. Of course, you can hire tutors, sit with your child day and night over the lessons - but this is unlikely to increase the desire to learn from him. You must be able to admit that your child, despite his talent, diligence and intelligence, is still not a genius! Geniuses generally existed and there are very few ...

Imagine a situation: a fifth-grader boy comes home from school - and his mother immediately pounces on him with questions. “What did you get in Russian? Troika?? That's it, sit down now for Russian and do your homework, and I'll check! And do not forget to complete the exercise for which you have a triple! I'll check too. I give you 15 minutes - march to the table!

And the unfortunate kid trudges to his room, in his heart already sincerely hating the Russian language, and school, and teachers and mom combined. Do you think he will greatly increase his love for learning from such methods of education? And if you also remember that many especially responsible parents like to sit and do homework “with the child” or stand over him until he does ALL homework, it becomes completely unfun. Let's look at this situation from a different angle, shall we? Maybe in this case it will be clearer why the child does not want to study.

Imagine: You come home after a hard day and dream most of all about a TV, a plate of dumplings and your favorite sofa. And then a husband or mother runs up to you with exclamations: “How was your day? Were you reminded at the meeting about the report that was not submitted for the last month ?? So, now sit down at the computer and do it! And I'll check! I'll give you exactly one hour! Oh, can't you? Then you will sit all night and in general, no walks and movies until you pass it and receive praise from the authorities!

How will you feel in such a situation? At the very least, hate your job and those who do not let you rest after work. And in especially severe cases, you will start to make a fuss and defend your right to rest.

So why should your child behave differently? Especially considering that you, as an adult, can say to your family: “Leave me alone, I’ll deal with my report myself!”. But the child cannot do this, because, in most cases, he does not have the right to vote.

And do not be surprised after that that the child does not want to learn. After all, as a result of such total control, study is no longer his business, but yours - and the child, like any normal person, will begin to assert his right to independence and resist your pressure. And he will do it in the usual way - aggression, hatred and tantrums. And who is better off for it?

What should parents do if their child does not want to learn for this reason? The only thing that is required of them is to give complete freedom in learning to their child. Yes, perhaps at first he will “peddle”, rejoicing at the freedom that has suddenly fallen on him, but then he will learn to control himself, plan his time and do his homework on his own. The advantage of such a situation is that the child will begin to perceive the study as his own work - and he will understand that no one but him will do his homework, listen to the teacher and prepare an essay. And getting bad grades and making yourself a laughingstock in front of the class, and besides this, getting scolded by your parents will eventually get tired of your child.

The child does not want to study because he does not know how to work independently

This reason, although closely related to the previous one, still has its own characteristics. To visually illustrate this situation, imagine the following picture: the boy is doing well at school, listens to the teacher and completes all assignments with an “5+”, but ... homework is lame - and very strong! More precisely, everything starts well: the child comes home, as if intending to eat and sit down for lessons as soon as possible in order to go play football with friends in the evening. But everything ends with these intentions, because the boy is constantly distracted by something: either a cat that needs to be stroked, or a cartoon on TV, or another message on social networks. And so on ad infinitum...

As a result of such failures, it is natural that the impression is created that the child does not want to learn (and sometimes such situations develop into such a desire). And parents, most often, tend to attribute this behavior of their son to laziness, absent-mindedness, optionality, and many other not the best character traits. Meanwhile, the real reason for not doing homework lies on the surface - the boy simply does not know how to tune in to work and plan his time! At school, the teacher usually tells the whole class what to do and directs them in the same direction. There are no such “landmarks” at home.

But this does not mean that now you have to control every step of your son and constantly tell him what he should do, gradually transforming your relationship with your son into the previous situation. Your task is to teach the child to independently plan his time, his work and rest, to set goals and deadlines for the completion of certain tasks correctly. And when he learns to do this - the question: "Why does the child not want to learn?" it just won't happen!

How to teach a child self-organization? First of all, teach him to see in life not only ways to enjoy and please himself, but also the need to do some sometimes not very joyful work. You can give an example of a famous person who worked long and hard and achieved success.

Do not forget that the best upbringing for a child is the example of his parents. Show him that you know how to plan your time: for example, at 19-00 you cook dinner, at 20-00 you watch a series, and at 22-00 you go to bed. Teach your child to alternate work and rest, for these purposes, you can even create a daily routine, where all the things that the child must have time to do during the day will be written. If the kid asks you, help him with something. Then situations when the child does not want to study will not arise in your family.

The child does not want to study due to lack of interest

Sometimes a child does not want to study because the teacher could not interest him in his subject. After all, as you know, a lot depends on the presentation of the same information.

How to fix this situation?

First of all, do not scold the child, and even more so do not question the professional skills of the teacher. Try on your own to interest the child in a particular subject, especially since the methods have long been known to everyone. For example, if a child does not want to study because of a lack of interest in history, buy him an interesting encyclopedia or show a historical film about the period of time being studied.

If physics has fallen out of favor, search the Internet for descriptions of experiments that can be performed at home in order to instill an interest in physics. There are a lot of options!

And so that your child never says that he does not want to study, stir up his interest in school subjects and develop his curiosity. Then he will look for interesting things even in seemingly the most uninteresting topics.

Imagine the situation: a girl is in the sixth grade. She learns the program perfectly, she has a good memory, she knows how to study and the subjects are interesting to her. But... something suddenly went wrong. She goes to school like hard labor, doesn’t teach lessons, gets bad grades and doesn’t even get upset because of them. And when she is asked what happened, the child replies that she does not want to study. What is the reason?

We, parents, judge school life only by marks in diaries and by rare parent-teacher meetings, which (let's be honest with each other) sometimes we don't even attend. Meanwhile, relationships with classmates are a very important thing, on which almost the entire school life depends!

If relations with classmates do not work out, the child becomes uncomfortable at school and the lessons are not studied, because thoughts are not occupied with that. And sometimes cruel classmates can even, in the literal sense of the word, interfere with the study of a child who has become a "black sheep", taking away personal belongings, tearing notebooks with homework, etc. The child may be afraid of being laughed at for answering too poorly, or being called a "nerd" or "crazy" for answering too well. Therefore, studying under the evaluating views of classmates becomes a difficult test for a fragile child's psyche.

The situation when a child does not want to study for this reason is aggravated by the fact that children are often silent about what is happening to them at school, fearing that angry parents will go to deal with the offenders, after which ridicule will continue with a vengeance. How can you help your child in this situation? And how do you find out about the true reasons that the child does not want to study?

First, try to find out from your child about his relationship with classmates. If something is bothering you, ask the class teacher about the relationship between children. If your fears are confirmed, explain to your child how to fight back offenders. You can teach him a couple of "lethal" expressions aimed at making the offenders a laughing stock of their own friends. Of course, we do not urge you to teach your child foul language, because you can come up with sharp answers to certain mocking expressions of offenders, consisting of quite decent words. The main thing - in no case do not go to deal with your child's classmates on your own, if you do not want to make it worse for him!

If a child does not want to learn, parents need to understand the most important thing. Restore your child's desire to learn in your hands! Indeed, as a rule, the parents are to blame for the fact that the child does not want to study: somewhere they pressed too hard, somewhere they overlooked, somewhere they didn’t praise him once again. Therefore, having found out the reasons for the child’s unwillingness to study, begin to take the necessary measures. In this case, very soon you will be able to proudly tell others about the success of your child!

Time drive Gleb Arkhangelsky, how to manage to live and work.

Knowing the secrets of time management will help you find time not only for what is important, but also for what gives pleasure.

We have about 200-400 thousand hours left until the end of our lives, says leading Russian time management expert Gleb Arkhangelsky, and our task is to manage this time wisely.

Time must be found not only for making money, but also for family, friends, recreation, reading books and thousands of other activities. Most people do not think about the fact that time, unlike money, is an irreplaceable resource, and continue to recklessly squander it.

The author in an accessible form introduces the reader to the secrets of time management, or personal time management techniques. The strengths of the book are the ability to apply its recommendations in practice right now, a clear structure of presentation, as well as the author's numerous references to examples from Russian history and modern business life.

Arkhangelsky suggests simple solutions to the problem of lack of time, over which many readers have probably been scratching their heads for a long time. However, it should be noted that most of the recommendations presented in the book are well known in the business literature.

From the summary of the book you will learn:

What is time management and what is it for?
What techniques and methods help to save or use time more efficiently
What are time wasters and how to deal with them

Key Ideas

Time management techniques and methods allow a person to find time for the most important and interesting things in his life.
The use of psychological “anchors” helps to tune in to work.
Doing unpleasant or large-scale work is facilitated by the “eating the frog” and “eating the elephant” methods.
Plan your working time, including rest periods in the plan.
If you have several tasks at once, choose the highest priority. At the same time, do not rely on intuition, but on the criteria of importance.
The ability to say “no” in time saves time and effort.
Before embarking on routine or low-skill work, consider whether it can be outsourced to other people.
When too much unsorted materials accumulate on your desk, sort them by isolating individual types of documents.
Think over the tactics of dealing with the main “time wasters”; Estimate time leaks using daily timing of your actions.
The value of time management skills to a manager is best shown by personal example.

Summary of Time Drive Gleb Arkhangelsky

What is time management

When a person comes to an understanding of how much time he has left for an active life, he begins to seriously worry about the most useful use of this time.

After he gets used to thoughtfully and painstakingly planning a working day, week, month, it is often found that he has much more time than before for rest, “creative laziness” and calm thoughts about anything.

Personal time management is not a kind of penny and stinginess, as it might seem to someone, but a unique opportunity to free up time not only for the most important, but also for the most pleasant things, in order to live in accordance with personal values and priorities.

In other words, time management is one of the ways to a free and harmonious existence.

self-motivation

Psychologists are well aware that with the help of simple tricks that most often act on the unconscious part of the psyche, a person can be set up for effective work even when he is not interested in work.

One of these techniques is the use of psychological "anchors", that is, the purposeful creation of the necessary associations in the mind. For example, if you are used to doing business accompanied by a certain melody, then listening to it in itself can cheer up and set you up for work.

Sometimes a cup of strong coffee, drunk upon arrival at work, also acts as such an “anchor”. Psychological “anchors” should be handled with care, as the associations they form can disintegrate.

“There are no millionaires in the field of time… Lost time, unlike lost money, cannot be returned.”

Sometimes it can be difficult for us to get down to business when we understand that this is not an easy task and will require significant efforts. Use the “Swiss cheese method” in this case.

Imagine that the task before you is a piece of cheese from which you can bite off small pieces, that is, perform the easiest or most enjoyable parts of the job.

After a while, you will notice that there is almost nothing left of the main array of work. When you complete one or another stage, reward yourself - say, bite off a piece of chocolate after writing the next page of the report.

One of the popular ways to get yourself to start doing not-too-pleasant tasks is to “eat the frog.” Imagine that the most unpleasant part of the job for you is a cold, nasty frog that needs to be eaten.

Once you get past the hardest part, everything else will seem a lot easier to do.

““Drive” is a root that has also taken root in the Russian language and is associated with two things: control, energetic movement - and, the second meaning, a vivid pleasure from what you are doing.”

Another variation of this method is “Elephant Eating”. When you're afraid to take on a task because of its enormity, imagine it as an elephant that you cut into pieces so that you can eat one each day.

Start a table in which you enter the eaten “elephants” and “frogs” as they arrive. Designate a small reward for yourself for successfully ingesting a certain amount of them - for example, a nice purchase.

The representation of time in the form of a table is an effective time management tool that helps to create in the imagination a picture of the inexorable passage of time.

“A person is arranged in such a way that the very fixation of a quantitative indicator is already pushing for actions in the right direction.”

Time management in the office

One of the axioms of time management says that every day should have a plan. This plan acts as a kind of scheme that helps the mind to pre-calculate all actions.

Always have a diary with you, where in the evening or in the morning you enter the plan for the upcoming day. When calculating your daily "budget" of your time, do not forget to include in it such unforeseen time expenses as traffic jams or organizational miscalculations.

It must also be remembered that the plan is not a dogma, but a preliminary scheme that needs to be adjusted along the way. The disadvantage of plans is that they can be disrupted due to unforeseen trifles.

Think over your actions in this case and insure against surprises - for example, by collecting as much additional information about planned events as possible.

“A lot of people in the post-Soviet space do not manage their lives, but go with the flow.”

Some of the tasks that must be completed will not relate to a specific day, but will have a cross-cutting character. For example, remind someone of something if they call, or wash the car if you pass by a car wash.

It is convenient to put a list of such cases on a separate card used as a bookmark in the diary - a “strategic cardboard box”. The execution of planned actions of this kind depends on the appearance of an opportune moment.

To remember the “context task” at the right time, create a system of “rolling” reminders that can be written down, say, on small sticky notes and attached first to one page of the diary, and then transferred to the next.

“Every day we are told what the “right” successful person should want. Although real successful people did not start their journey to success by buying an Armani jacket.”

When planning a day, one more condition for effective work should be taken into account, which few people think about. This is a rest for recuperation. Unsystematic switching of attention does not help to relax - rest should be regular and planned.

Set a rule for yourself every hour to take off work for exactly five minutes. In the "five-minute rest" brew tea, talk to a friend, surf the Internet or just walk down the hallway.

The best form of short rest during working hours is sleep. Instead of nodding off after dinner, trying to concentrate painfully, find the opportunity to take a nap for at least half an hour.

This can be done in an office, an empty meeting room, or a car. A short afternoon nap will quickly refresh your brain - and you will be ready to get to work with renewed vigor.

“The first thing that starts with prioritization is clearing your life of imposed cases.”

The Art of Prioritizing

The ability to find the main thing among things and deal with it first, and put off all secondary tasks for later, is of tremendous importance not only for work, but also for life in general.

The most common reason for failure is our natural desire to get everything at once. Choosing a priority at the moment is the essence of time management.

However, in order not to make a mistake with the choice of priority, one should not rely on intuition, but formulate criteria for importance (source of the task, contribution to the overall result, complexity, and so on).

The criteria matrix should become a “sieve” through which you will “sift” tasks and goals on a daily basis.

“In any case, in the evening or in the morning the day was planned - in no case should the plan be treated as a law. The plan must be continually adjusted as circumstances change.”

When a person begins to seriously deal with what matters are of paramount importance and which can wait, he may have conflicts with others. Everyone believes that his problem or question should be addressed first.

Your task is to get rid of a mountain of small, secondary tasks that take up valuable time and drain energy, but at the same time not ruin relationships with colleagues. There are three ways to help you do this:

Polite and convincing refusal. Nothing saves time and energy like the ability to say no. Learn to timely refuse to do things that are not consistent with your priority goals. So that the person who was denied his request does not hold a grudge against you, come up with a plausible reason. If circumstances allow, try to give a logical argument for your refusal. Either prove to the person that in fact what he asks you for, he does not need or is not beneficial.
"Healthy indifference". In some situations, you should not rush to complete the task - tomorrow it can be solved by itself, without your participation. Before you take on any business, ask yourself if it is necessary to do it at all and if you should be the one doing it. There are probably people around you who are just waiting to shift their work onto your shoulders.
Delegation of work. Before performing routine (or unskilled) work, consider whether it can be transferred to other employees or to seek the help of people who provide professional services. Once you delegate a task to subordinates, remember to monitor how they perform it, and if necessary, remind them of it. Do not rely on memory, but fix instructions on cards or in an organizer (paper or electronic). Let colleagues and subordinates know that you never forget what you have asked others to do.

“If your plans and agreements are confirmed by e-mail, it will be much easier to resolve controversial issues “if something happens.”

How to beat chaos

One of the main reasons for the leakage of precious time is the presence of information debris around us, through which we have to wade through to really important information.

Learn to organize quick access to the necessary information and do not clutter your head with a mass of unnecessary ones. When you have too many unseen documents, unread emails, and so on, apply the “limited chaos” method.

It lies in the fact that all incoming materials are placed in a common “drive” (folder, basket, electronic folder). Then sorting is done: we select the main type of materials from the mass of papers (or the one that is easiest to isolate) and start a separate folder for it (for example, “Agreements”, “Financial reports”).

Then we select the next array of documentation - and so on until the blockage is dismantled. The method of moving from chaos to order is much better than initially following certain principles for sorting documents, which in the end most often leads to duplication of folders and even more chaos.

“The main rule of attention management: if you bring something closer to the center of attention, be sure to move something away from it.”

"Time Eaters"

One of the main sources of informational garbage in human life is television and other mass media. Carefully analyze your desire to watch news releases regularly.

Do you really need to know about the war in the Middle East, the divorce of a pop star, or any other event in which neither you personally nor your company are involved?

Break the habit of turning on the TV in the mornings and evenings, using it as a background sound. Hide away the remote control so as not to provoke an obsessive desire to constantly change channels.

Watch TV selectively and purposefully: if there is a program that interests you, then record it on some digital medium to watch at a convenient time.

“One of the most typical time wasters is public transport or the car.”

Winning the fight against these kinds of time wasters requires a systematic approach. Try to measure exactly how much time you spend daily on certain activities.

For example, carry a notebook with you and for several days in a row meticulously write down in it what you do and how long it took (with an accuracy of 5-10 minutes).

For short breaks from work that take less than five minutes, check off the checkboxes, and in the evening multiply the number of these checkmarks by 2-3 minutes to see the scale of these small time leaks.

Careful, patient monitoring of personal time allows you to see with all clarity what time reserves you have in stock.

Compare the time spent on priority and important things with the time taken by the “sinkers”. Once you have the numbers, you'll be surprised how quickly sink time leaks start to decrease.

“We don’t consider brushing your teeth or showering every day a ‘tense’ because it’s been a habit for a long time… It’s the same with personal time management – it’s better to do it for 15 minutes a day than to do it in big bursts but irregularly.”

With daily timekeeping, you may for the first time know exactly how long it actually takes to get to and from work.

Think about how to fill this "dead" gap with something useful - for example, reading books, listening to audio recordings, or learning foreign languages.

Finally, when you're on public transport, just relax and try to get some good rest - it's just as efficient a use of your time as reading a book.

“Imagine that a person is walking through a cemetery. Will he stop at your grave, will he be interested in the inscription on it?

In time management it is like in sports: if a person does not move forward, he moves back. Set a goal every day to take at least a small step towards saving personal time.

Make managing your time and finding its resources as a regular, familiar activity as washing your face and brushing your teeth. Make it a rule to deal with at least one information blockage every day (cleaning your desktop, sorting incoming email, and so on).

Try a new time-management technique every week, such as monitoring time spent on current tasks or keeping an organizer. Once every three months, spend a “discipline week”, during which you strictly follow all your plans, do not give yourself any indulgence and do not be distracted from your work for a minute.

Culture of time management

Although we all know that time is money, the loss of money is perceived by us much more painfully than the loss of time. Individual efforts to save personal time are often thwarted by a wall of collective indifference.

The ideology of time management should be built into the corporate culture of any organization today. The easiest way to arouse the interest of the company's management in implementing its principles is to calculate the financial damage from unproductive time spent on the scale of one unit or the entire organization.

Let subordinates be convinced by the example of their boss that they need to fight for time no less fiercely than for money. The leader must show in practice that he values the time of his subordinates.

The obvious advantage of time management is that there is hardly a single person who will agree to calmly watch how his life is meaninglessly flowing away. Most often, people just need to suggest what to do to save time.

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